Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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