whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
