i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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