I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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