i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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