hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
