Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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