I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
