My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
