Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize