i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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