Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
