On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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