i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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