i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
