i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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