last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
