I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
