There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
