I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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