wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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