worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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