she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
