i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
