Bisexual people are plain selfish.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
