Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
