is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
