i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
