he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
