I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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