I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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