I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize