I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
