I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i believe in u and ur pee
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
