My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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