I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
