okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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