i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
