I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
