he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
