I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
