even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
