Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
