just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
