shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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