You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
