i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
