Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
