Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize