So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
