remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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