I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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