why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
