The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
