i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
