Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
