Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Your cock deserves a montage
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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