Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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