hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize