i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize