funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
