After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do herpes really smell.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
