I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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