I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
