She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize