You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize